Me and Newness have a love/hate relationship. I don’t care about your favorite color, but you can tell me why it’s your favorite if you like. Ask me what frustrated me today. Be random. Be honest. Afterall, you may not know me next week. You may not like me right now. Live in the moment and make me no promises. Stare when you speak. Smile with your eyes. Blush between your brows. Swim in the mystery of me. And if you’re feeling confident, backstroke. But pace yourself. I’m in no rush. Newness rarely becomes permanent and next week, if you know me, you’ll be old.
I hated his flashiness, but I was attracted to it. He stopped traffic; male and female drivers. He was so cool- so pleasant. His smile matched mine. Hello attraction. He was new. He was popular. I played him to the left. I smiled and smirked when I greeted him in passing- wished him well until next time.
“When are you going to let me take you out lil mama?”
“I don’t know…”, I shrugged, smiled and walked away.
I always walked away.
Six years later, I seen him. He was stopping traffic, being flashy. I admit, he toned down. It was raining. “I see everything is still everything.” It was his line for me when ever we’d cross paths. His smile matched mine. Everything was still everything. My familiar stranger. He was too warm, too comforting. New. New was too good to me over the past six years. And in the past 3 days, I was good to him. I listened to his promises, only expecting to simply wish him well until next time. I dove in his mystery and allowed him to get to me. He was my first. Two weeks later, I no longer knew New.
And he’ll never know me.
He walked away.
He was the first to walk away.