There’s something about death that makes me sit up straight. While out of town on business, I got a text from my mother, “They’re keeping me…”

*crickets*

Me: Who is keeping you?
Ma: At the hospital… to run tests.
Me: Wait, what? Whats wrong with you?
Ma: Don’t know yet… trying to find out.

See, this is what pisses me off about my mother. She is super private. I’m sure she has several conditions being 60 years old. Make no mistake, my momma looks damn good and definitely not old. However, your body will start to show signs of age whether you feel 40 or not. So a few days later, I get home to get another text, my mother is still in the hosptial.

…………….Umm, wtf?

Long story short, it went from a serious Cancer scare to who knows what’s killing her. To she’s really dying, to she just has asthma– which WE all have but miraculously, she has never had. Watching someone die from Cancer is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life–and I had to do it more than once. Especially that last burst of energy day. Those of you who’ve been there, know what that day is like.

I wonder why the body does that?

I have one parent. My mother is my crutch… whenever I decide I need one. I don’t think I lean heavily. I treat family as I do friends in the sense that I’ll stay to myself before I ask for help. But when I need it, she is it. Can you imagine waking up and you mother is sick like she’s dying? Go to the hospital when you get in town to see tubes everywhere. Like what the fuck? Have you been sick or is this new?

*sigh* I’m against personal blogs… but I guess I felt the need to share this.

I’ve learned– as I grow into my womanhood– to keep to myself. Say less. Do more. Nevermind anyone else because at the end of the day all I have is me… and if I need… my mother. SO! I say that to say the cliche, cherish each day with your family. BTW, incase I wasn’t clear… my mother is live a kicking, just with asthma. LOL. (shurgs) However, in your own life, you can wake up one day and it damn near be over for you. You could be the one sending that text like “they think I’m dying…” So live like everyday is your last. OH! That situation caused me to see not only life differently, but my “friends”. I was surprised who checked on my mother’s status. I think there was more out-of-town/semi-friend love shown than some I consider my closest “friends”. It’s another reason why I say less… do more. Lead with actions, sometimes words are overrated.

So yes. Live like it’s your last. And if nothing has happened to you that makes you put things into perspective and reevaluate your life, don’t let it be a near death experience that does it. My ending was happy, but all endings aren’t. I always say, everyday I write my legacy. I’m not perfect, not always right. I am better today than I was yesterday, though. So I guess this was my little share– more like overshare– to try to inspire the rest of you to put things into perspective. All you need in life is yourself and your piece of mind. However, if you need that ace in the hole, mine is my mother, then make sure you’re living for who/what matters. Like I said, something about death makes me sit up straight. I’d been daydreaming for a little bit. I’m paying attention now.

xo!